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Statistics say that the INTJ is the type least likely to believe in a higher power. Yet I am a sold-out Christian. Introducing the grand discrepancy of my life, and the source of my countless self-contrasts.
INTJs generally do fit their stereotype. They are brilliant. Arrogant. Independent. Logical.
Compare this to a belief in an all-knowing creator God, who wants His followers to be humble, to love all, and to serve Him wholeheartedly for their whole lives.
Why, exactly, would I buy this, let alone give my life to it?
My parents are Christians, but that should never be the basis of one's own faith. Yes, I was raised with the knowledge of God, but following Him is vastly different. It's a choice. And just like every other choice I make, this one was based on reason.
God is the only explanation for so many things in this world. He fills in all the holes that we find when we poke around. And there are too many to count.
I'll touch more on the rationale in later posts. In this one, I want to shine the spotlight on what really matters: what God does. Specifically, what He has done and is doing in my life.
To say the least, I'm not naturally given to believing in miracles. But if you could truly see all the ways God has changed me -- how He has actually rewoven the very fabric of who I am -- you'd agree that it's enough to make anyone believe.
Here's the story.
Let's start from the beginning, shall we? Every Christian's journey is different. Mine started the way most do, on a "spiritual high". In sixth grade, I chose to give God control. Jesus had saved me from the punishment for my sin, and I wanted to share this new life I'd found with everyone. I was on fire, as they say, trying to spread the light everywhere I went. I was known as the "happy girl" who "never got upset". Jesus had claimed my heart. But the next step in the process - the step that never really ends - is becoming like Him.
Years passed, and my faith was a rollercoaster. I'd have months of joy and then months of apathy. I still stuck to my belief, but I was struggling to continue acting on it. In high school, it dawned on me: I needed to choose whether this was going to be my life or not. God Himself says that "Faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead." My fire had dwindled down to a small spark. Was its revival possible?
I chose to keep pressing on, and my life has been a beautiful whirlwind ever since. In a way, that was the last choice I ever made. God is the only one who can really do a transforming act like the one still taking place in my heart. On the other hand, surrender is a daily choice.
These words are from my journal entry a few days ago.
This is it, right here. Again and again. I come, set my soul before you, and pray for you to use it. It's yours now, Lord. I am a new creation - the old has gone; the new is here! It brings me such joy to watch you carry out your purposes for my life.
It's such a strange concept, especially when you haven't experienced it for yourself. What attraction is there in giving your life away to an invisible God?
In a word, it is freedom.
INTJ: I am fiercely independent. The idea of attaching my life purpose to a higher power doesn't strike me as particularly appealing. Relationships are insanely hard for me. They tie me down. It's just so much easier to do without them. If I lived in an impenetrable bubble, I think I'd be happy. But the definition of following Christ is a relationship -- with Him and with many, many other people. It goes against my very nature.
God: Comes in and shows me the true meaning of freedom. I am learning constantly that, when left alone, I'm set to self destruct. And I would be blind to it without Him.
I'll touch more on the rationale in later posts. In this one, I want to shine the spotlight on what really matters: what God does. Specifically, what He has done and is doing in my life.
To say the least, I'm not naturally given to believing in miracles. But if you could truly see all the ways God has changed me -- how He has actually rewoven the very fabric of who I am -- you'd agree that it's enough to make anyone believe.
Here's the story.
Let's start from the beginning, shall we? Every Christian's journey is different. Mine started the way most do, on a "spiritual high". In sixth grade, I chose to give God control. Jesus had saved me from the punishment for my sin, and I wanted to share this new life I'd found with everyone. I was on fire, as they say, trying to spread the light everywhere I went. I was known as the "happy girl" who "never got upset". Jesus had claimed my heart. But the next step in the process - the step that never really ends - is becoming like Him.
Years passed, and my faith was a rollercoaster. I'd have months of joy and then months of apathy. I still stuck to my belief, but I was struggling to continue acting on it. In high school, it dawned on me: I needed to choose whether this was going to be my life or not. God Himself says that "Faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead." My fire had dwindled down to a small spark. Was its revival possible?
I chose to keep pressing on, and my life has been a beautiful whirlwind ever since. In a way, that was the last choice I ever made. God is the only one who can really do a transforming act like the one still taking place in my heart. On the other hand, surrender is a daily choice.
These words are from my journal entry a few days ago.
This is it, right here. Again and again. I come, set my soul before you, and pray for you to use it. It's yours now, Lord. I am a new creation - the old has gone; the new is here! It brings me such joy to watch you carry out your purposes for my life.
It's such a strange concept, especially when you haven't experienced it for yourself. What attraction is there in giving your life away to an invisible God?
In a word, it is freedom.
INTJ: I am fiercely independent. The idea of attaching my life purpose to a higher power doesn't strike me as particularly appealing. Relationships are insanely hard for me. They tie me down. It's just so much easier to do without them. If I lived in an impenetrable bubble, I think I'd be happy. But the definition of following Christ is a relationship -- with Him and with many, many other people. It goes against my very nature.
God: Comes in and shows me the true meaning of freedom. I am learning constantly that, when left alone, I'm set to self destruct. And I would be blind to it without Him.
If I can barely connect with people, how on earth am I supposed to have a relationship with the world's Creator? In many ways, it's difficult, but that's the thing about God. He knows me. And He's patient. He always forgives me when I neglect to talk to Him or do what He says. He teaches me how to have a relationship with Him -- and how many people do you know who actually give you the 101 for how to be their friend?
Through this, I am slowly but surely growing better at loving other people.
My heart wants to stay shut. God's miracle is that He opens it.
INTJ: I highly value intelligence and take pride in my own. I've been given many natural mental abilities, and because of it I easily slip into arrogance and judgment of others. In fact, this is my default. It is such a hallmark of my personality that it takes a huge, conscious effort to fight it.
God: Reminds me that pride is part of my sinful nature. And God, knowing everything, has shown me many times that my wisdom is nothing compared to His. He teaches me to be humble, but not just for the sake of being humble. God created me, and He knows how my mind works, so He gives me the reasoning -- He teaches me the value of humility. There is nothing more valuable than becoming like Christ, and humbling myself helps me to see the world -- and myself -- through His eyes.
This is another huge barrier between me and other people (and God Himself). Because of pride, I have trouble trusting God. I often think that my plans for my life are better than His, which is just ridiculous. But do you know how God responds to this?
With grace upon grace.
God's example of grace shows me that I can love other people. Even when I think my arrogance is impossible to overcome, the Lord shows me that nothing is impossible. If anyone has a reason to be prideful, it's the all-powerful, all-knowing Master of the universe. Yet He stoops down to love me, again and again, even at my worst.
"Let him who boasts, boast in the Lord." 1 Corinthians 1:31
My eyes are blinded by pride. God's miracle is that He helps me see.
INTJ: Logic is supreme.
Many of you agree -- obviously, things should make sense in the world -- but for me, this belief pervades every single thing that I think, say, and do. In fact, my issues with independence and arrogance could even be categorized under this idea. It makes me an entirely different sort of person from probably anyone you know. I never make a single choice without thinking it through. I plan out as much of my life as possible. I maximize my time and efforts to result in the most efficiency. When I do things my way, I leave no room for uncertainty, waste, or . . . emotions.
God: Asks me to set aside logic and have faith.
Faith isn't the opposite of logic, but at times one must choose between the two. And for the INTJ, faith is a very hard choice.
Without God in the picture, logic would tell me to be cynical of the world. It would tell me to distance myself from people and from all emotions because they cannot be trusted.
Belief in God is a totally different kind of reasoning. I truly am "transformed by the renewing of my mind" (Romans 12:2). This transformation opens my eyes to the truth: that, since God has kept every promise He's made for thousands of years, I should have complete trust in Him.
This complete trust is a surrender of all my cynicism. Through God, I am learning to allow myself to hope for the best. Disappointment will still happen, but that's okay; my true hope lies in heaven -- and that is a promise I can count on.
I hate and actually fear emotion in myself. It's too unpredictable, and I want to be prepared for everything. Feelings get in the way of my plans and they ultimately make me vulnerable. Once again, it's a pride issue.
But how can I obey Christ's command -- to love others as He loves me -- if I refuse to let myself feel what they feel? How deep does that love really go? It's not love at all; at best, it's a counterfeit. Defending myself against feelings is abandoning the sole purpose of my life: to show others the love Christ showed me.
Because of God's promises, I know that when I open myself up to emotions, I'm still under His control. And that's the only control I need over my life.
My mind wants to rule me. God's miracle is that He uses logic to bring me to faith.
God is love. He is grace, He is power, He is majesty. He is sovereign. He designed the galaxies, mountains, and oceans; He came up with music and physics and time. He is justice, He is truth, He is mercy . . . In short, He's everything I'm not.
There's nothing wrong with being an INTJ, nor any other type. I didn't write this post to beat myself up. While I have unique struggles because of my personality, God makes it very clear that He understands them and that He made me this way on purpose. That's the beauty of following Christ: He uses the journey to make you more like Him.
No, this post isn't about me; it's about God. That's why He comes first, even in the title. It's all about God, not me.
No, this post isn't about me; it's about God. That's why He comes first, even in the title. It's all about God, not me.
And maybe that's the biggest miracle of all.
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